President Camacho Names His Son-In-Law Senior White House Advisor

And why not, America? He checks all the boxes. He’s a multi-millionaire who has no political experience – he’ll fit right in with the rest of the Orange Don’s illustrious cabinet!

Jared Kushner is married to Trump’s favorite child, Stockholm Syndrome Barbie, the way the Orange Don probably wishes he was.

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That will probably come in handy when the Cheeto-encrusted cockatiel gets bored during a policy meeting. Instead of having to dream up some outlandish sexual fantasy to distract himself from his humdrum daily routine of running the country (one in which he probably has MUCH bigger hands), he can just ask his senior advisor what it’s like living the dream of being married to his daughter. Trust us, America, you don’t want the orange-tinted King Joffrey to get bored. He does stuff like this when he’s bored:

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There is the nagging issue of whether it’s – you know, unethical – to hire somebody just because they’re related to you. After President JFK named his brother Bobby Attorney General, Congress decided that they had to pass some sort of law prohibiting that before the government was overrun with Kennedys, qualified and otherwise. That didn’t work out so well for them. But it was still a pretty good idea to put that into law, which you can find here.

There’s a serious question of whether Trump can hire his son-in-law which we’re sure will be drawn out into a messy, prolonged court battle. Kushner says he’s not going to accept a salary while he’s working for the White House. He also claims he’s getting rid of all his business entanglements to prevent a conflict-of-interest, which must be why he schmoozed Chinese businessmen with government ties to $2,100 bottles of Bordeaux just a few days ago. He comes from good, convicted-felon stock, so he learned from the best.

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But hey, hiring a man who breaks serious ethical boundaries is a small price to pay to for peace in the Middle East, amirite? Yeah, that’s right – the sociopathic orangutan who will be in charge of our nuclear codes in a few days actually thinks that his son-in-law will be able to successfully broker a peace deal between Israel and Palestine. Why he thinks this, we don’t know. We suppose the fact that Kushner is Jewish and has brokered real estate deals in the past are the only qualifiers, because there’s no other evidence he’s given to back this up. But hey, Trump still thinks pro-wrestling is real, so perhaps this is just an extension of his blissful fantasy world. Time will tell, America.

Photo Credits: Not EspeciallySand and Glass, Yahoo, Giphy