President Camacho Still Has Hurt Feelings Over Russian Hacking

Interesting how a man so intent on calling out all the “haters and losers” is so very, very thin-skinned himself. We’re sure the DSM-5 entry on narcissism has something to say about that, but we digress…

In case you were passed out after yet another epic computer duster bender, America, let us bring you up to speed. Russia hacked the DNC and Hillary aide John Podesta. They passed that info on to WikiLeaks, who published it right before the election. Russian operatives also spread fake news. All of this was done because Vladimir Putin preferred a brain-dead cockatiel as US President as opposed to the woman who gave him hell as Secretary of State. When Trump was elected President by the Electoral College American people, senior Russian officials celebrated.

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As we’ve stated before, none of this means that Russia’s interference actually affected the results of the election. We will never know if it did or not, though we suspect that Americans were just gullible enough on their own to believe that a narcissistic, sociopathic reality show host was going to solve everyone’s problems by building a Wall and draining the swamp by the pussy (that’s how it goes, right?). But still – these reports really hurt the Orange Don’s feelings, y’all. He really wants to believe that he achieved a historic Electoral College victory (he’s actually in the bottom quarter of all time) and that he won the popular vote because he’s so bigly successful and talented (he lost it by close to three million).

So the very idea that a Russian dictator even tried helping him cuts our Orange Overlord to the quick. That’s probably why he threw a gigantic hissy fit in an interview with the NY Times.

“Mr. Trump spoke to The New York Times by telephone three hours before he was set to be briefed by the nation’s top intelligence and law enforcement officials about Russian hacking of American political institutions. In the conversation, he repeatedly criticized the intense focus on the alleged cyber intrusions by Russia. ‘China, relatively recently, hacked 20 million government names,’ he said, referring to the breach of computers at the Office of Personnel Management in late 2014 and early 2015. ‘How come nobody even talks about that? This is a political witch hunt.’”

OK bitch, first off, people did talk about those hacks. If they didn’t, how the fuck would you know about it, since all you know is what you read on the internet?

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Maybe “people talk” about this one more because you won’t shut the fuck up about it? Honestly, we hear more from Trump on Russian hacking than we do from half the members of Congress. Even if people don’t talk about it – that doesn’t mean the Russians didn’t hack the DNC. No matter how much attention the story gets, is every intelligence agency in America making up the fact that Russia hacked us? Maybe if you waited three hours and got your damn intelligence briefing for once, you’d know a little bit more about the issue. But no, definitely run your mouth off to the NYT and fire off some ill-advised Tweefs before the briefing. It’s why Putin chose you, boo.

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That’s probably also why one of his most experienced intel advisors quit that bitch. Apparently, former CIA director James Woolsey didn’t take too kindly to Trump refusing most of his intelligence briefings and shutting him out of meetings. He’s the second senior intelligence advisor to quit after Rep. Mike Rogers, who got pushed out by Stockholm Syndrome Barbie’s husband, Jared Kushner.

But what really singed President Camacho’s ass hairs was the galling fact that the media knew more about the Russian hacks than he did. Our future chief executive Tweefed out his frustration that NBC News scooped him on the Russian hacking intelligence report.

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Hmmm – wonder why NBC News got the jump on you, Donny Boy? Perhaps you would’ve had a heads up if you – ahemGOT YOUR INTELLIGENCE BRIEFINGS MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK? Sorry for shouting America, but we figured the Orange Don couldn’t hear us as well with his fingers stuck in his ears. This really puts us in mind of something Game of Thrones creator George R.R. Martin said, and we think it applies here. When asked which of his characters Trump most resembles, Martin said, without skipping a beat: King Joffrey. We think this scene from Game of Thrones really sums up what it must be like to be a knowledgeable public official trying to advise a sociopath with the mindset of a 10-year-old boy.

What makes King Joffrey AND Donald Trump madder than anything is not being consulted first on everything. Even though they have absolutely zero interest in the day-to-day governance – you know, actual work – they like the feeling of being important and having power. Whether their people are happy and safe is of precisely ZERO concern to them. To be revealed as the Wizard of Oz and not the true power behind the throne is more than their delicate egos can take. Seriously you guys – watch that scene and tell us you don’t see shades of Trump in Joffrey Baratheon. And to think – in two weeks he’ll be our president.

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Photo Credits: TumblrIDEO Labs, Tumblr, Giphy, eBaums World, Prison Planet, Tenor

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One thought on “President Camacho Still Has Hurt Feelings Over Russian Hacking

  1. Pingback: Drunk Tweefing: The Donald Trump-Meryl Streep Edition | GossiPol

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