Putin Ordered Russian Hacks – Wonder Why?

Is it because he considered a coked-up orangutan just a tad easier to manipulate than a seasoned public servant who criticized him for rigging his own elections?

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A lot of Trump supporters have gotten their panties in a twist over the conclusion of almost every intelligence agency out there: that Russia hacked the DNC and Hillary aide John Podesta in an attempt to get the Orange Don elected. Odd that they dispute there was interference in our elections, since when their boy was down in the polls, they were chanting “rigged” at every single one of his rallies.

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Turns out it was “rigged” – just not in the way Trump was saying. Because today, intelligence officials have found new evidence that Russia not only interfered with our elections by hacking and spreading fake news, but that their interference was actually ordered by Putin himself. From NBC News:

“Putin’s objectives were multifaceted, a high-level intelligence source told NBC News. What began as a ‘vendetta’ against Hillary Clinton morphed into an effort to show corruption in American politics and to ‘split off key American allies by creating the image that [other countries] couldn’t depend on the U.S. to be a credible global leader anymore,’ the official said. Ultimately, the CIA has assessed, the Russian government wanted to elect Donald Trump.”

It’s important to note that none of this means that Russian interference actually changed the outcome of the election. The sad fact of the matter is, we’ll never know how many people were swayed by fake news and leaked emails. Nobody who voted for Trump is now going to come out and admit, “All that fake shit Vladimir Putin fed me to got me to believe that a spoiled man-baby with no business acumen or government experience was preferable to the most over-qualified candidate we’ve ever had.” But at the very least, you’d think we’d want to investigate the how’s and why’s of Russia fucking with our free and open elections. Well, that’s what you’d think if you were anyone other than Chester Cheetah’s butt dingle. He tweeted this morning:

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Why indeed, Donald? Why did intelligence agencies wait so long to tell us that Russia was fucking with our elections? Oh wait, they didn’t. In fact, Trump himself even acknowledged that Russia was hacking to fuck with our elections. Remember this, America?

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But now that Russian hacking benefits him, the Orange Don becomes shocked at the proposition that Russia would try to use hacking to interfere with our elections? That’s cute.

But the DNC emails that showed party officials favoring Hillary Clinton over Bernie Sanders weren’t exactly made up. Democrats kind of dug their own grave with this one, didn’t they? Well, Republicans probably dug a few graves of their own. We’ll just never know because the Russians didn’t release those hacked emails. Even though several GOP congressmen seem to agree with that conclusion, Rinse Pubis and Trump officials have denied that Russia successfully hacked the RNC database and want to see the receipts.

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Ummm, guys – we wouldn’t ask that if we were you. The shit we already know about your political in-fighting is bad enough. Do you really want us to see the shit you were afraid to air out in public?

Photo Credits: GiphyGIFnText, Tenor, NY Daily News, Giphy, Giphy


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  1. Pingback: Kim Jong-Un Went On Epic Bender, Almost Killed Entire Staff Of Generals | GossiPol

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