President-Elect Camacho’s Super-Classy, Bigly Successful Interview With Chris Wallace

We’re pretty sure that Chris Wallace’s interview with the Orange Don that aired yesterday was originally intended to be a puff piece. His Fox News overlords would never want their viewers to be confronted with the stark reality of the terrible decision they made when went to the polls November 8th hopped up on meth and Ny-Quil.

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But sadly for Fox News, Chris Wallace is an actual journalist, unlike Sean Hannity. Just ask Megyn Kelly. Anyway, since Chris Wallace is an actual journalist, he had to air some of the coked-up orangutan’s worst soundbites. And boy, are we here at GossiPol sure glad he did! While we weep in sadness for how fucked this entire country is come Inauguration Day, we weep tears of joy for how fun it’s going to be to rip apart what is clearly a mentally-challenged man-boy billionaire who accidentally became President.

The whole interview is here if you’d like to see the Orange Don falter in the attempt to come up with more than ten words to describe everything from his foreign policy to his jumbo jet. But we can’t talk about this interview without mentioning the most terrifying part: his security briefings, or the lack thereof.

“WALLACE: I just want to ask you about your skepticism about the intelligence community. You are getting the presidential daily brief [….] only once a week.

TRUMP: Well, I get it when I need it. [….] I don’t have to be told — you know, I’m, like, a smart person. I don’t have to be told the same thing in the same words every single day for the next eight years. It could be eight years — but eight years. I don’t need that. But I do say if something should change, let us know. Now, in the meantime, my generals are great, are being briefed. Mike Pence is being briefed, who is, by the way, one of my very good decisions. He’s terrific. And they’re being briefed. And I’m being briefed also.”

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First off, we love the shade Trump threw at his VP and generals. He’s too smart to get daily briefings, so we guess that make them too dumb to not get daily briefings? Second of all, how the fuck would he know the briefings are the same every day? He’s never even tried getting daily briefings.

The whole “let me know if anything changes” bullshit? Who’s he relying on to “let him know” – Mike Pence? His generals? The people doing the briefings? How much of a change has to occur before they try and rouse Trump from his 3am Tweeting tantrums to brief him? And don’t even get us started on this narcissistic cockatiel’s hypocrisy. Guess who slammed Obama for supposedly not getting daily security briefings? You guessed it.

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One of the most telling moments was when Chris Wallace asked the Orange Don about whether he’ll get lonely while his captive wife remains in New York. His response should have been his campaign slogan:

“No, I’ll be working. I’ll be working. [The White House] is a very special place and it represents so much. And there’s a lot to do. There’s a lot to do. More than I even thought.”

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Trump supporters got super-pissed at the reports that Trump seemed overwhelmed with his presidential responsibilities after meeting with Obama in the White House. Here it is, straight from the orangutan’s mouth. “There’s a lot to do. More than I even thought.” The Orange Don might be one of the only people who underestimated the responsibilities of being the chief executive of the most powerful country on earth. Narcissism and getting your entire business empire handed to you by your daddy will do that to a person.

The Trumpster didn’t fare a lot better when he delved into actual policy. Chris Wallace asked the question we’ve had on our minds for quite some time about Trump’s Taiwan phone call. Trump’s response was – special.

“WALLACE: You recently took a call from the President of Taiwan, and on the Sunday shows, including ours, some of your top aides said, oh, it was just a congratulatory call. But the next day, some of your top aides said, no, in fact, you had been thinking about this for weeks in advance to send a message. So, which is it?

TRUMP: Oh, it’s all wrong. No, no. It’s all wrong. Not weeks. I took a call. I heard the call was coming probably an hour or two before.”

We hate to say we told you so, America, but…

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We’ve been screaming since it happened that Trump did that shit on a whim. All his advisers insisted that they carefully planned it in advance. And of course we were right. Of course Chester Cheetah’s butt nugget didn’t plan a major shift in foreign policy in advance. Did you really think, America, that a man with rancid cotton-candy weave would make well-thought-out, prudent decisions? And that opportunists in his transition team wouldn’t try to spin it like their boss is anything other than an impulsive twat? Of course not. This is your president, America. If you think you’re going to be getting anything other than this for the next four years:

You’re sadly mistaken.

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