Trump Triggered By Broadway Actors From Hamilton

As we’ve mentioned before here at GossiPol, white people are the constant victims of discrimination. Don’t believe us, America? Take a look at what happened to poor, innocent white man and vice president-elect, Mike Pence on Friday.

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Pence has been working hard his entire political life. When he had his own radio show in the 90s, he worked to save women from the unachievable dream of serving in the armed forces. With such delicate constitutions, not to mention such hawt bodies, women like the Disney character Mulan needed to hear this sage advice from a man who never served a day in his life: “Women in the military, bad idea.”

As a Republican US congressman from Indiana, Pence toiled tirelessly until he was finally able to achieve his dream of sending US troops into Iraq to avenge W’s daddy liberate the Iraqi people. That worked out well.

When he became governor of the state of Indiana, Pence never stopped working until he gave women, gays, and immigrants the rights and respect they so richly deserved. To that end, he prevented people from getting clean needles and federally-funded HIV treatment, leading to an outbreak of more than 20 new HIV cases per week. He signed into law anti-abortion bills that led to two women being imprisoned, not mention the one that required a woman to bury or cremate a dead fetus.

A devout Christian, Pence made sure that Syrian refugees didn’t get so much as a dirty manger to sleep in. At least he tried, until those damn liberal federal courts got in the way of his Christian charity.

And of course, our buddy Mike labored intensely to ensure that LGBT folks didn’t rend the moral fabric of society asunder by getting married or getting services from god-fearing Indianans.

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After years of oppressing minorities and women serving the people of Indiana, Pence decided on Friday night that it was time to treat himself to a hit Broadway musical. After all the hustle and bustle of being a politician, Pence picked the most apolitical show possible, if only to clear his mind of nagging issues like diversity and equality.

It’s a little confusing, then, that he ended up watching Hamilton. It’s even more confusing to his supporters why, in such a gay-friendly environment, their buddy Mike didn’t get a standing ovation from an adoring public, but instead was treated a little of this when he entered the theater:

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Ever the stalwart public servant, Pence brushed his shoulders off and enjoyed the show. At the end, though, the cast got together and gave Pence the following speech from the stage:

“We have a message for you, sir. We hope that you will hear us out. Vice President-elect Pence, we welcome you, and we truly thank you for joining us here at Hamilton American Musical, we really do. We, sir, we are the diverse America, who are alarmed and anxious that your new administration will not protect us, our planet, our children, our parents or defend us and uphold our inalienable rights. But we truly hope that this show has inspired you to uphold our American values and to work on behalf of all of us. All of us. Again, we truly thank you for [….] this wonderful American story told by a diverse group of men, women, of different colors, creeds and orientations.”

Not since Abraham Lincoln has a white man been so triggered by a theater experience. But you know who was really fucked-up by this seemingly innocuous speech? That’s right, one Donald J. Trump, who tweeted this out after his bottom bitch was attacked on Broadway:

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Damn, somebody’s triggered!

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I mean, is there no safe space for conservative white men anymore? Is there no place where they can feel secure and free from attack by evil, liberal goons? All Pence wanted to do was blow off some steam after a day of repressing LGBT rights, and these homos have the nerve to ask him to be treated equally? Who do they think they are, white men?

And remind us again how liberals are the ones with the sensitivity issues?

Photo Credits: VoxPrimo GIF, Giphy, Giphy, America Blog, True GIF

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Ya Think, Ben Carson?

Former Republican presidential candidate and noted sleep-talker, Dr. Ben Carson, dropped a bombshell a couple of days ago: he’s not interested in being a member of President-Elect Camacho’s cabinet. The reason is even more hilarious and insightful than you might expect. From The Hill:

“[According to Dr. Carson’s friend and advisor Armstrong Williams], ‘Dr. Carson feels he has no government experience, he’s never run a federal agency. The last thing he would want to do was take a position that could cripple the presidency.'”

We wanna defend Sleeping Benny here, but we couldn’t find the lie. And don’t you guys even think about asking the obvious question of why the fuck he ran for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES in the first place if he knew he was grossly unqualified. Not only is it a little too on the nose, but it’s rude as hell to wake a dude when he’s sleeping.

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Photo Credits: Giphy, Giphy

Bless Your Heart, Pamela Ramsey Taylor

If you’re going to call our First Lady Michelle Obama an “ape in heels” while celebrating a Trump victory in the US presidential race, allow us to give you some friendly advice.

First, use proper grammar. You don’t want people to think you’re a poor grammarian and a racist. Using proper capitalization and punctuation can go a long way toward conveying your bigoted sentiments.

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Second, if you’re a public official in Clay, WV, and you look like this:

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You might not want to be so quick to compare a beautiful, successful woman to a zoo animal. Just sayin’ girl, you’re sounding a little:

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Finally, you might not want to talk about suing all the haters that rightfully called you out on your bullshit. You issue an insincere apology, you lose your job, and now you wanna get mad at the people who correctly called you an asshole? Bless your heart, Pamela Ramsey Taylor, you actually think you’re the victim in this situation, don’t you?

Photo Credits: PhotobucketITV, Everipedia, Tumblr

President-Elect Camacho Made Some Choices This Past Week

When you hear the word “choices,” it has to be said in exactly the derisive and judgmental tone that drag queen extraordinaire, Tatianna would say it:

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Because gurl, the Orange Don made some choices, and they were something to behold. First, he made some hiring decisions for his White House staff. He named RNC head Reince Priebus as his Chief of Staff. Which must have gone over well with his new Chief Strategist, Steve Bannon (we’ll get to that racist turd in our next post or two). These two fucking hate each other, as evidenced by Bannon’s former (ha!) news organization Breitbart running an article a few days ago basically begging Trump not to pick Priebus as Chief of Staff.

Then, Trump decided to walk back pretty much all of his campaign promises during a 60 Minutes interview that aired this past Sunday. Not that we’re complaining, since what he promised to do was pretty shitty, but we’re pretty sure the Orange Don’s supporters won’t be too happy that Trump decided just to deport a few million “criminals” instead of 11 million undocumented immigrants. They’ll probably be even more unhappy that he pooned out on his promise to prosecute KILLARY for crimes that don’t even exist in the US Code. After all, he doesn’t “want to hurt her.” That whole bit about repealing Obamacare? It’s totally happening, you guys. Except for the parts that are awesome, like covering a pre-existing condition and covering adult children. Those parts will stay. My favorite is when he said he was going to “drain the swamp” of DC lobbyists. What he really meant to say was, he loves swamps so much he may as well set up Trump Towers in the Everglades. He’s hired lobbyists to head his transition team for the Energy and Commerce Departments, among other things.

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But our favorite has to be the news that broke yesterday from CBS. Chester Cheetah’s butt dingle asked about top secret security clearances for his three beloved children, American Psycho, Bloodless Vampire, and Stockholm Syndrome Barbie. Excuse us a moment:

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Because of course the Orange Don would want his hapless offspring to advise him on national security, even though they lied through their porcelain veneers on 60 Minutes and said they would never dream of doing such a thing. That’s not going to create a Clinton Foundation-level conflict of interest, what with the kids also running Daddy’s successful businesses as part of that bullshit “blind trust” thing they’ve got going. Trump’s people have tried to deny that the Daddy Warbucks with a Dollar Store weave asked about those security clearances, but they’re not particularly convincing.

So yeah, Trump’s made some choices. And based on what we’ve seen in the last week, we’re in for a bumpy ride, America.

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Photo Credits: GiphyGiphy, Giphy, Tenor, Giphy

When Barry Met Baldy

This is OUR generation’s Lethal Weapon: a psychotic racist who thinks the phrase “Sugar Tits” is a term of endearment teams up with a competent Black public servant who’s officially over everyone’s bullshit. Hollywood got the reboot of their dreams, only it’s playing out in real life and is bankrolled by the American taxpayers.

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On Thursday, the Orange Don met with President Obama to discuss America’s transition into Idiocracy. The way Trump talked during his campaign, you would’ve thought he was going to enter the White House like this:

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And end the meeting with Obama like this:

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But alas, the American people were not gifted even as much as a tea-bagging of the sitting President by our illustrious President-elect. Instead, the two looked like this:

The Handshake!

Man, that body-language speaks volumes, doesn’t it? You would’ve thought Trump would look happy and Obama would look despondent. Why isn’t it the other way around? Why is it Obama that’s manspreading and Trump that’s looking up at him like he’s the most powerful man in the universe? It’s almost as if South Park called it correctly, and that Trump really doesn’t want to be President because he’s in completely over his weave. It’s also as if Trump is a classic schoolyard bully, who likes to talk a lot of shit about Obama being from Kenya but freezes up when it’s time to say it to his face (not for the first time either).

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According to Trump, Obama couldn’t have been nicer to him during their meeting. Obama even went over the allotted 15 minutes and took almost two hours in talking to him. But apparently, that extra-long meeting wasn’t just charity on Obama’s part. It took at least that long to break down for the coked-up orangutan that the President has to do a lot of – you know – work. From Business Insider:

“During Trump’s private meeting with President Barack Obama on Thursday, Trump ‘seemed surprised’ by the scope of the president’s responsibilities [….] Trump’s aides were also apparently unaware that the entire staff of the president working in the White House’s West Wing would need to be replaced.”

We wish we could say this is surprising, but it’s not to anyone with a working set of eyeballs and earballs. Clearly, the guy who thinks he can build a wall on the Mexican border while cutting taxes, deport 12 million people at once, and order the US military to commit war crimes is not exactly clear on the extent of executive powers. He probably thought he read about those powers somewhere in the imaginary Article 12 of the US Constitution, which would explain a lot of the confusion. Well, at least we get that fifth Lethal Weapon installment we always wanted, right America?

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Photo Credits: BGRGiphy, Giphy, Imgur, The Hollywood Gossip, Tenor, Giphy