As we’ve mentioned before here at GossiPol, white people are the constant victims of discrimination. Don’t believe us, America? Take a look at what happened to poor, innocent white man and vice president-elect, Mike Pence on Friday.
Pence has been working hard his entire political life. When he had his own radio show in the 90s, he worked to save women from the unachievable dream of serving in the armed forces. With such delicate constitutions, not to mention such hawt bodies, women like the Disney character Mulan needed to hear this sage advice from a man who never served a day in his life: “Women in the military, bad idea.”
As a Republican US congressman from Indiana, Pence toiled tirelessly until he was finally able to achieve his dream of sending US troops into Iraq to avenge W’s daddy liberate the Iraqi people. That worked out well.
When he became governor of the state of Indiana, Pence never stopped working until he gave women, gays, and immigrants the rights and respect they so richly deserved. To that end, he prevented people from getting clean needles and federally-funded HIV treatment, leading to an outbreak of more than 20 new HIV cases per week. He signed into law anti-abortion bills that led to two women being imprisoned, not mention the one that required a woman to bury or cremate a dead fetus.
A devout Christian, Pence made sure that Syrian refugees didn’t get so much as a dirty manger to sleep in. At least he tried, until those damn liberal federal courts got in the way of his Christian charity.
And of course, our buddy Mike labored intensely to ensure that LGBT folks didn’t rend the moral fabric of society asunder by getting married or getting services from god-fearing Indianans.
After years of oppressing minorities and women serving the people of Indiana, Pence decided on Friday night that it was time to treat himself to a hit Broadway musical. After all the hustle and bustle of being a politician, Pence picked the most apolitical show possible, if only to clear his mind of nagging issues like diversity and equality.
It’s a little confusing, then, that he ended up watching Hamilton. It’s even more confusing to his supporters why, in such a gay-friendly environment, their buddy Mike didn’t get a standing ovation from an adoring public, but instead was treated a little of this when he entered the theater:
Ever the stalwart public servant, Pence brushed his shoulders off and enjoyed the show. At the end, though, the cast got together and gave Pence the following speech from the stage:
“We have a message for you, sir. We hope that you will hear us out. Vice President-elect Pence, we welcome you, and we truly thank you for joining us here at Hamilton American Musical, we really do. We, sir, we are the diverse America, who are alarmed and anxious that your new administration will not protect us, our planet, our children, our parents or defend us and uphold our inalienable rights. But we truly hope that this show has inspired you to uphold our American values and to work on behalf of all of us. All of us. Again, we truly thank you for [….] this wonderful American story told by a diverse group of men, women, of different colors, creeds and orientations.”
Not since Abraham Lincoln has a white man been so triggered by a theater experience. But you know who was really fucked-up by this seemingly innocuous speech? That’s right, one Donald J. Trump, who tweeted this out after his bottom bitch was attacked on Broadway:
Damn, somebody’s triggered!
I mean, is there no safe space for conservative white men anymore? Is there no place where they can feel secure and free from attack by evil, liberal goons? All Pence wanted to do was blow off some steam after a day of repressing LGBT rights, and these homos have the nerve to ask him to be treated equally? Who do they think they are, white men?
And remind us again how liberals are the ones with the sensitivity issues?