Bret Baier Said Some Shit About Hillary He Wishes He Could Take Back

Remember yesterday when we talked about Fox News’ report that the Clinton Foundation was totally getting indicted, for realsies this time? And that same Fox News report breathlessly relayed that Hillary’s private server was hacked by five different foreign intelligence agencies? Bret Baier was the dude who reported that shit, and he had Republicans everywhere simultaneously orgasming and sharpening their shanks. Because this time, they had proof, you guys. Hillary was getting busted, and right before the election, no less!

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Except – um – sorry Republicans, I don’t know how to tell y’all this. Wait, actually I do, because I already broke down for you yesterday how full of shit this report was – but let me repeat myself – the Clinton Foundation isn’t getting indicted. There’s no evidence Hillary’s server was hacked, though even if it was, it joins a long line of government servers that have had the same shit happen to them. I had actual facts and evidence on my side, including an already-published Wall Street Journal report that the DOJ and the heads of the FBI were not impressed by the case against either the Clinton Foundation or Hillary’s emails. Not to mention that FBI agents, can’t, don’t, and won’t file for an indictment because only a prosecuting attorney can do that. But if you don’t believe me, the FBI, the DOJ, or the rule of law, take Bret Baier’s word for it.

“That just wasn’t inartful [to say that an indictment against the Clinton Foundation was likely] — it was a mistake, and for that I’m sorry.”

Try to contain your shock at Fox News jumping the gun on an anti-Hillary story.

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And where did these leaks come from in the first place? It’s looking more and more like Rudy Giuliani is to blame. Yes, drunk uncle Rudy told Fox News two days before Bret Baier’s report that shit was bout to go DOWN. His law firm does represent the FBI Agents Association, and he is besties with Jim Kallstrom, former head of the NY FBI office, so it’s not inconceivable that drunk uncle Rudy isn’t all talk when he brags about leaking FBI secrets. So basically, Trump’s supporters are about as shitty with protocol as he is.

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But yeah, turns out drunk uncle Rudy and his former/current FBI buddies/Trump supporters were just circle-jerking each other, and didn’t have as much insider knowledge as they hoped. I know everybody wanted a super sexy October surprise, but you’ll have to settle for Anthony Weiner’s dick being the Trojan horse that unlocked Huma Abedin’s work-from-home habits. Sorry if that’s not enough for you, America. Elect Trump as president, and you’ll probably get an “October Surprise” about once a week if that’s what floats your boat. I mean hey, who doesn’t want to see the movie Idiocracy played out in real time? It’ll give us more moments like this.

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