With all the craziness going on with the Orange Don and Hill-Dog, it’s easy to forget that there is another option, however unlikely that option may be to win the presidency: the Libertarian ticket. Former New Mexico governor Gary Johnson, seen here looking like a busted James Woods:
And his vice presidential candidate, former Massachusetts governor Bill Weld, seen here looking like Magneto left out in the sun too long:
Had a town hall on CNN last night. It was a lot more reasonable than you might expect from a party that had this guy as a potential candidate:
Things kicked off when Anderson Cooper asked the part-time James Woods impersonator, full-time mountain climber, Gov. Johnson about his miniscule chances of becoming president. Gov. Johnson was like, “Well, we think this town hall can give us a boost!” That’s when the Silver Fox reminded Gov. Johnson that they’d already done a Town Hall in June, and their poll numbers remained stagnant.
There was more shade to be had on the evening, courtesy of Gov. Weld, who does not think much of Donald J. Trump.
“He’s a showman. He’s a pied piper. He’s the music man. More recently, it’s gotten more serious, and the noun that comes to my mind is a ‘screw loose.'”
Trump wasn’t the only recipient of some high-level shade. Gov. Johnson got a little salty when it came to Hillary and her ties to big banks.
“It’s just not coincidence, I don’t think, that Bill Clinton and Hillary both are making huge amounts of money with these speaking fees. It smacks of pay-to-play.”
Gov. Weld, who’s actually friends with Hillary, was not having it. In fact, he defended FBI head James Comey’s decision not to recommend charges against Hill-Dog for having a private email server. He schooled an audience member who asked if he agreed with the decision not to indict, saying that he was a former US Attorney, had reviewed the evidence, and couldn’t find probable cause to go forward. We have to say, we actually agree with him. Hillary was shady for using the private server, yes. But considering we still can’t find all the damn emails on that server, can we really say with a straight face that she intended to allow that information to fall into the wrong hands? She won’t even let it fall into the right hands.
Of course there was talk about marijuana legalization, and that’s where things got interesting. A Republican lady who looked like she thought Reefer Madness was a documentary:
Talked about how concentrated CBD tincture helped relieve her child’s seizures. She was down with that, but she wanted to know if Gov. Johnson would limit that evil THC so that the children – think of the children! – wouldn’t get high. Of course, Gov. Johnson wasn’t having any of this crazy lady’s shit, and made no promise of the kind, instead talking about how THC also had medicinal applications. Don’t you just love that, America? People like this woman are telling us we can’t get blazed, but we should legalize marijuana – once we find out she actually has a use for it.
One of our favorite moments was when Gov. Johnson was asked about terrorism. His response? Shit happens. I mean, basically.
“Look, this stuff is gonna happen. If you look at what happened in Nice the other day – the situation that exists in this country in 10,000 different places every single day. [….] Yes, a president of the United States, Vice President of the United States, we must be vigilant to prevent these of things from happening – these things are going to happen.”
This is such a refreshing change from Trump’s “I’m the only one who can fix everything.” It’s great, because as a politician, it is political suicide to admit that there are some things that you just can’t change. Any politician who says they are going to eliminate terrorism is lying to you. Sure, it’s good to have that lofty goal. But it’s not possible. So deport all the brown-skinned people you want – put them into prison camps if it makes you feel better – you aren’t making yourself any safer.
Please, please, America, let’s get Gary Johnson up to 15% so he can be part of the presidential debates. Not because we think he’ll win, because he’s way too honest and high to win. At the very least, though, we’d love to see this play out right in the Orange Don’s face.