Our last blog post happened around that most sacred of holidays, 4/20. At that time, Bernie and Hillary were shanking at each other during a tight Democratic Primary, and Trump was crossing swords with Grandpa Munster’s stunt double on the Republican side. So, like, nothing really big happened in the last couple of months, did it?
So, July 12th was the day that the dankness died and Bernie threw his hat in the ring for Hill-Dog. Bernie supporters everywhere were super pissed, because they never thought Bernie could be frenemies with a corporate shill like Hillary.
Look, we here at GossiPol have long documented how Hillary Clinton is shady as fuck. We still call bullshit on her carrying hot sauce in her purse. But as of now, we’re with her. Why you ask? For one, Bernie got her to adopt a lot of his policy platforms, including tuition-free public college and opposing the TPP. He even made the Democratic Party danker by convincing them to push for nationwide marijuana legalization. Bernie may not have won the presidency, but he won the policy fight, and our hearts. Let’s send him off with a dank meme, shall we?
More importantly though, we’re with her because of the orange shitstain that is her opponent, Donald J. Trump. That’s right, the Orange Don IS your Republican nominee. After Ted Cruz gracefully elbowed his way out of the race:
It appears that Trump is going to be confirmed as the nominee at tonight’s Klan Rally – I mean, Republican convention. Are you proud of yourselves, America? I mean, yes, Ted Cruz was the likely alternative, and that is actually worse in our books, but still. You started out with approximately 35,000 candidates, and of all of the potential options, you chose this guy, seen here making fun of a disabled reporter Limbaugh style.
We’ve got a whole lot more on the Cheeto dingle that may fulfill his dream of winning the job he never wanted and likely won’t even take if he wins it. It’s kind of our bread and butter at this point. I mean, how can a website that trades in dick jokes for a living ignore Chester Cheetah’s Jersey Shore cousin?