When Bernie Sanders was first invited to speak about wealth inequality at a Vatican conference, a lot of people shaded him and said that shit was a waste of time. He wasn’t even scheduled to meet with the Pope on his 20 hour visit, so how could he possibly make the Vatican dank again? Remember folks, this is Bernie Sanders we’re talking about. Of course he met with the Pope, and of course they had a five minute convo about income inequality and the environment, and of course the tanning bed shart that is Donald J. Trump was super jealous.
From CBS News:
“You know, he went to see the pope. Five minutes. [….] He said, ‘We talked about the environment, we talked about global warming, we talked about all these different things.’ And I said, wait a minute, he was only there five minutes. So the pope gave him five minutes. I wonder why the pope gave him five — he shouldn’t have given him that much time really. Five minutes sounds like, you know, ‘try and get me in to see him so I don’t get myself embarrassed before I come back to New York.’ A five minute visit, you cannot do much.”
Five minutes goes from being way too much time for the Pope to spend with Bernie, to not even enough time to say hello. Man, Chester Cheetah’s butt dingle was really put out that Pope Francis didn’t spend any time with him instead. Isn’t he pretty enough? Smart enough? Isn’t his dick big enough to get a papal audience?
Seriously, America, can you even imagine what a Trump/Pope meeting would look like? What’s the icebreaker for the Orange Don: regaling His Holiness with interesting tales about his three marriages? GossiPol’s suggestion would be the one where his mistress (and eventual second wife) Marla Maples got into a fist fight with his then-wife Ivana in Aspen. Or maybe they could discuss how smoking hot his daughter Ivanka is.
Once the initial awkwardness is out of the way, they can talk about the kind of issues that affect the world today: like how much immigrants suck and try to steal American jobs. That’s something the Pope can really get behind. Oh wait, maybe Pope Francis wouldn’t be on board with that idea…
Back to Bernie though – did this meeting amount the Pope anointing him as the chosen one to lead American politics? Let’s ask Bernie, shall we? From NBC News:
“When NBC News asked whether the trip to the Vatican was an attempt to win a ‘papal endorsement,’ Sanders responded: ‘Oh, God no! Not – God, no!’ Then he laughed, adding: ‘That just came out.’”
That is also what she said, Bernie. Besides, the bird sent from heaven already anointed you as the Chosen One at that rally in Portland.