Scenes Of Pure Horror From the Ted Cruz Family Town Hall

GossiPol is truly doing you a public service, America. We know you didn’t want to watch the blatant pandering and condescension that accompanies any televised event involving Ted Cruz, so we did it for you. At the very least, probation should consider reducing our community service hours.

The NYC town hall aired a couple of days ago on CNN, and largely consisted of Ted Cruz and his family pretending not to hate each other. Some takeaways were: Ted Cruz bought 100 cans of Campbell soup all at once on his honeymoon, because he’s obviously a serial killer. We also learned his newest dirty campaign trick: giving people who donate to his campaign “deputy delegate” cards, because that’s not at all misleading.

The real ick moment, though, came when Grandpa Munster’s busted condom baby talked about the “fun” game he plays with his two grade school-age daughters.

“The girls, it — you know, we have something of a game where to get a hug and kiss from the girls, I usually have to do about four laps chasing them in the living room.  And one will go one way and one will go the other way, and I have to tackle them.  They usually get their good night hugs hanging upside down by their feet.  And it’s — we have fun.”

Excuse me for one second.

I will never be clean again after hearing that description. Seriously though, who thinks this game is fun? It can’t be his daughters. And if you think I’m just piling on because I hate Ted Cruz, I give you Exhibit A:


During the town hall, his daughters looked more like hostages than willing participants. Heidi Cruz’s smile/grimace whenever Ted Cruz talked was in full display. Heidi – seriously gurl – blink twice if you’re being held captive.

Photo Credits: Not Sorry FeminismMake a GIF, Imgur, My Fabulous Boobies