In news that should shock no one, Alaska’s favorite drunk aunt Sarah Palin hit the sauce extra hard on Thursday. Instead of drunkenly slurring out the words to “Pour Some Sugar On Me” and passing out in a pool of her own vomit at her favorite Wasilla karaoke joint, Auntie Sarah decided to get turnt at a much more unlikely venue: The House committee on science, space and technology. And no, unfortunately she didn’t accidentally stumble in – she was fucking invited by the chair of that committee, Texas Republican Lamar Smith.
It was at that committee that Auntie Sarah decided to shank at Bill Nye for some unknown reason, saying, “He’s as much of a scientist as I am.”
Goddamnit Sarah, how many times do I have to tell you: being a certified mixologist does NOT make you a scientist, OK? Bill Nye, on the other hand, got his B.S. in mechanical engineering from Cornell, so – he’s actually a LOT more of a scientist than you. But hey, do you have any other pearl (necklaces) of wisdom for us, Auntie Sarah? But of course you do. From Gawker:
“There is definitely a political agenda behind all of this and as you suggested people who are involved in this issue they are not stupid. They have studied this stuff. They have studied the data that they are erroneously delivering to the public to make us think that we can somehow change the weather and how they do that is to grow government and allow the government to have more control over us, our homes, our businesses, our families, our lives, and it’s quite unfortunate because these people must be purposely doing this, right?”
Where do I begin with this bitch? First of all, yes, “they” (which I guess means those liberal hippie “scientists”) have in fact, “studied this stuff.” So why not take their word for it, since they’re – you know – experts on the subject? Second of all, does she really think that the basic thesis of climatologists everywhere is that climate change is like Storm from X-Men? Like, when climatologists say there’s a human influence on climate change, they’re saying we can control the weather WITH OUR MINDS OR SOMETHING?
When confronted with the choice between believing climatologists who study changes in weather patterns for a living and Auntie Sarah who has a movie to shill, I’m going to have to go with the scientists on this one. But hey, if I ever need recommendations on how to properly insert a vodka enema, I’ll keep Auntie Sarah in mind.