How To Fuck Up Your Wife’s Presidential Run: The Bill Clinton Chronicles

Early Thursday, former President Bill Clinton was stumping for his wife Hillary Clinton in Philadelphia when he did something that has historically gotten him into trouble with his wife: he opened his mouth.

Jeb Bush That's What She Said gif

Jeb, that’s actually appropriate in this case. Good job, for once. Slick Willie was speaking at a Hillary campaign rally when he was interrupted by Black Lives Matter protestors. The protestors took issue with Hillary’s hawkish Libya intervention and both the Clintons’ advocacy of a crime bill that incarcerated over a million people, most of whom were African American. Specifically, they had a problem with Hillary calling young, Black gang members “super-predators [who need to] be brought to heel.”

Bill-Dog had a lot of options available to him, so naturally he took the one that would fuck his wife over the most: he decided to act like a crusty old white man and yell at the protestors.

Look, nobody likes to be interrupted when they’re talking. We here at GossiPol are regularly interrupted by Jeb Bush with his patented “That’s what she said” jokes.

Jeb Bush That's What She Said gif

See what I mean? So it’s not the yelling that was such a bad look, it was more the content of Slick Willie’s word barf that really jumped things up a notch. Here are few quotables from the nation’s horniest ex-President, via NPR:

“I don’t know how you would characterize the gang leaders who got 13-year-old kids hopped on crack and sent them out on the street to murder other African-American children. Maybe you thought they were good citizens. [Hillary] didn’t.”

“You [protestors] are defending the people who kill the lives you say matter. Tell the truth. You are defending the people who cause young people to go out and take guns.”

“This election is about the future. They’re trying to blame [Hillary] for something she didn’t do. So I’ll tell you another story about a place where Black Lives Matter: Africa.”

These quotes wouldn’t be too terrible (except for the Africa one, because what the fuck?), but for one detail: Hillary has already apologized for using the term “super-predator. She’s also walked back support of the very crime bill her husband is now defending.

I think it’s obvious what’s happening here. Hillary wants to be president, but poon-hound Bill would likely see a significant decrease in the amount of tail he can pull when there’s a Secret Service detail around him 24/7. Consequently, he’s clearly decided it’s time to tank his wife’s chances of winning the primary (just like he did in 2008) so he can score with that waitress he’s been eyeballing at the local Buffalo Wild Wings. Don’t ever change, Bill. Don’t ever change.

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2 thoughts on “How To Fuck Up Your Wife’s Presidential Run: The Bill Clinton Chronicles

  1. I don’t think it had anything to do with how it would affect his wife’s campaign. He got testy because it’s an insult to HIS legacy. He could have said, “If I understood then what I know now…” and moved on. It is a pretty irrelevant criticism BLM is making, since it does not reflect the context of that time, and it was his policy, not hers.


    • Let’s get down to brass tacks: Bill really just wanted to get some tail. In our world, political motivations all center around getting laid. At least they would for us…


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