Bernie Sanders Making the Vatican Dank Again

For much of this week, it might have seemed like everybody was against Bernie Sanders. Even though he’s on a roll with six straight primary victories, he’s still behind in the delegate count to Hillary Clinton. Worse, the New York Daily News mean-girled him about his economic and foreign policies, not to mention the fact that he still thinks you need a token to ride the NYC subway. Even worse than that is the catty back-and-forth Bernie has been having with Hill-Dog over who is less qualified to be president. So yeah, it’s been a rough week for Bernie. That is, until God herself intervened and got Bernie invited to speak at the Vatican.

Yes, a Jew is going to school religious leaders on how greed is totally not cool, you guys. If I remember my history correctly, (and I never do) there’s historical precedence for this sort of thing…

That’s right, JC himself! Of course, not everybody in the Vatican is feeling the Bern. President of the Pontifical Academy of Social Sciences, Margaret Archer, is super pissed that Bernie got an invite to Italy’s hottest nightclub. She shanked at Bernie for being “monumentally discourteous” in asking for an invitation to the Vatican.

Obviously, Ms. Archer (no relation to Queen B Malory Archer, who is otherwise occupied at happy hour and therefore unavailable for comment) is one of those co-workers who hits reply-all when she sends out her bitchy emails. You know the one.

I say this because her fucking boss, Monsignor Marcelo Sanchez Sorondo, (what a great drag name!) took off his fancy hat to access the spare razor he always keeps in his hair, and cut right back at Margaret Archer. From MSN:

“‘This is not true and she knows it. I invited him with her consensus,’ said Sorondo, who is senior to Archer. An invitation to Sanders dated March 30, which was emailed to Reuters, was signed by Sorondo and also included Archer’s name.”

Wait, the invitation had this bitch’s name on it, but she complains she didn’t know about the visit? That’s catty.

When the dust settled, it became clear that Bernie’s gonna make the trip to the Vatican after all, and drop some knowledge bombs on the Catholic Church. Hate-listening to Republican radio yesterday morning was interesting to say the least. How can evangelical conservatives corner the market on religious sanctimony when the most liberal lib that ever libbed got an invite to speak at the Vatican and their homeboy Ted Cruz didn’t? Let’s just say that Rush Limbaugh and Mike Gallagher were human pretzels trying to justify that one in their heads.

Photo Credits: NBC via Tumblr, Imgur, Blog Daily Herald, Mama Mia, Gif Soup