Wisconsin Simultaneously Becomes Most and Least Dank State In The Union

Let’s get the good news out of the way first, Wisconsin. Bernie Sanders won the Democratic primary last night, making you the newest, dankest state in the Union.

Now the bad news: while you done good, you also done fucked up, Wisconsin. BIG TIME. You were drinking in the bar, celebrating Bernie’s primary victory. You figure you’ll have a little extra fun, so you call your weed dealer, Thad, to get some celebratory Afghan kush. Everything’s cool, until Thad casually mentions that he got a fresh shipment of peyote just this morning. You figure, hey, it’s been a dank Tuesday, why not make it extra dank by going on a vision quest?

As you pick yourself up out of the gutter you passed out in last night and spit the vomit out of your cotton mouth, you have a sneaking suspicion that you did something really, really terrible during that peyote trip. Well, you did, Wisconsin. Let me be among the first to inform you that your bad trip included you returning to the polls to fill in a couple of extra ballots. Congratulations fuckwit, because now you have 10 more years of the most bigoted, hypocritical homophobe in the judicial system. That’s right, Nicky Nichols’ basic cousin, Justice Rebecca Bradley, has been re-elected to the Wisconsin Supreme Court.

oprah no shaking head

We’re not even going to talk about voting for Grandpa Munster’s busted condom baby. I know you think you deserve a pat on the back for not voting for Chester Cheetah’s butt dingle, but you don’t. Not when we’ve already talked about this. Now go to your room, Wisconsin, you’re on timeout. We won’t put you on restriction since you at least had the decency to vote for Bernie Sanders. Here’s a dank meme to contemplate while you think about what you did.

Photo Credits: Reddit, Uproxx, Uproxx, GiphyUproxx