Because nothing says class like a tanning bed shart and Grandpa Munster’s busted condom baby. Before you even moved on from that headline, you totally knew I was talking about Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, didn’t you? Not that the dick-measuring that’s passed for campaigning up until now was classy, but the Orange Don and Cunty Cruz took things to a new low in the last week when they went after each other’s wives. First up is Ted Cruz, whose Super PAC ran this ad in Utah last week:
Who wants a slut who gets naked on camera for a First Lady, amirite America? Apparently, having a xenophobic, racist cheese doodle for president isn’t nearly as terrifying to voters as lady nipples. Understandably, Trump didn’t take too kindly to having his wife called a dirty ho-bag. He could have taken the high road and gotten a lot of support, but this is Donald Fucking Trump we’re talking about. He did the polar opposite of taking the high road, and instead got right down in the dirt with Teddy Boy by sharing an equally misogynist meme on Twitter:
Ugh, an ugly first lady? Super gross, you guys. Only hot chicks should be in the White House, no fugmos allowed. If the bouncer at NYC’s hottest night club won’t let your wife in, the Oval Office shouldn’t either. More disqualifying than Ted Cruz’s penchant for lying and shutting down the government is the fact that his wife simply isn’t as fuckable as Melania Trump.
When will this two assholes realize that they should BOTH dump their wives and fuck each other? They’re simply perfect for each other, aren’t they? Selfish and self-righteous? Check. Physically repugnant, yet somehow still able to gain entry into women’s vaginas? Double check. Willing to burn America to the ground to obtain an office they probably don’t want anyway? Wait, are we sure they aren’t the same person?