Hill-Dog Will Debate Bernie When He’s Not Such A Meanie

It’s NOT because she’s afraid of debating him, you guys. Just because that fucking bird decided to ruin everything and make Bernie look SO cool and Snow White-y, and just because he’s kicked her ass in five of the last six primaries, that DOESN’T mean Hillary’s afraid of a debate. In fact, she would love to debate him, if he wasn’t such a jerk-faced, mean old man.

On CNN today, Clinton campaign strategist Joel Benenson said that Hillary won’t do any debates until Bernie says sowwy for being so dickish. From Politico:

“This is a man who said he’d never run a negative ad ever. He’s now running them, they’re now planning to run more. Let’s see the tone of the campaign he wants to run before we get to any other questions.”

So what kind of “negative ad” has Hill-Dog’s panties in a bunch? Did he say she had a small dick? What about attacking her spouse? No? Unlike their Republican counterparts, Democrats use a lot more subtlety when attacking their opponents. So subtle, in fact, that the “negative ad” in question never actually mentions Hillary Clinton at all.

Man, what an asshole! How dare he not talk about her like that! Criticizing financial and campaign policies and saying nothing about her personally is now a personal attack. And yes, America, that’s how debate schedules are determined. The front-runner places terms and conditions on when, where, and if they’ll take place. Sounds fair, right? No? Good, you’re finally understanding how this whole “democratic process” works!

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Hill-Dog uses the same tactic with releasing her Goldman-Sachs speeches. “I’ll release them when everyone else does. Kasich hasn’t released his, has he? Oh good, thank Christ, I’d be totally fucked if I had to release those.”

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Photo Credits: Giphy, Giphy, Giphy

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