Sarah Palin Stumps For Donald Trump While Husband Chills In ICU

Family values are a super big deal to Sarah Palin. Just ask her. Don’t actually look for real life examples though. Knowing what we know about Sarah Palin, it should come as no surprise that she endorses a misogynistic kumquat for president. As we found out on Monday, that devotion runs DEEP. How deep you ask? Deep enough to stump for the Orange Don while her husband Todd languished in an ICU thousands of miles away. From Gawker:

“This morning, Sarah Palin canceled her Florida appearances with Donald Trump after her husband was hospitalized in intensive care last night [after a snowmobile accident]. This afternoon, Palin showed up in Florida anyway.”

Damn gurl, that’s:

Even more entertaining than the idea that Alaska’s favorite drunk aunt would rather be at a Trump rally than at her husband’s sickbed, is the shit that came out of her mouth once she made that fateful decision. This is my personal favorite:

“What we don’t have time for is all that petty, punk-ass little thuggery stuff that’s been going on with these quote-unquote ‘protesters,’ who are doing nothing but wasting your time and trying to take away your First Amendment rights, your rights to assemble peacefully.”

If you think that Sarah Palin’s word vomit is a result of worrying over her husband, I give you Exhibit A, better known as her initial endorsement speech for Trump. From Buzzfeed:

“Looking around at all of you, you hardworking Iowa families. You farm families, and teachers, and teamsters, and cops, and cooks. You rockin’ rollers. And holy rollers!”

“We kowtow, and we apologize, and then, we bend over and say, ‘Thank you, enemy.'”

“Right wingin’, bitter clingin’, proud clingers of our guns, our god, and our religions, and our Constitution.”

Sodomy as allegory for America’s foreign policy? Check. Rambling mixed metaphors? Double check. Yup, it’s Sarah Palin alright. She is so eloguent you guys.

And to think, she was a heartbeat away from being a heartbeat away from the presidency. Good thing we learned our lesson, right America?

donald trump president

Right. Never mind then.

Photo Credits: TLC via Giphy, Reddit, Twitter, Giphy