Democratic Debate In Miami: Now The Bitching Comes With Subtitles

The thermostat dropped about 20 degrees when I downloaded that cover picture. When Hillary strode by in her Emperor Palpatine as a Real Housewife of DC cosplay, she must have shanked Bernie before she reached the podium. If she didn’t cut him, that look certainly did. Of course Bernie don’t give a fuck since he’s too busy writing down his grocery list to notice Hillary mean-mugging him.

After losing Michigan, Hill-Dog could not have been pleased coming into last night’s Democratic Debate. Even more upsetting was the fact that Univision was hosting it, which meant they brought a whole lot of drama and DIOS MIO! to the proceedings. Bernie being besties with Daniel Ortega and Hillary’s failed Libyan policies were brought up by Jorge Ramos and company with all the pleasantness of a porcupine enema. Being Univision, they also brought a bit of Latin heat to the proceedings when it was time to take questions from the audience.

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This reporter was allegedly translating for this abuela while Hillary gave her answer, but I think we all know what was really going on here: work and pleasure, am I right? He is really feeling this moment, but abuelita is like, “Will you hurry up already? Criminal Minds is on at nine and I still need to get dinner on the table.” That abuela is a professional. She is using and abusing this young piece of meat for all he is worth. My hero!

All in all, it was a really good debate filled with a lot of substance and a somewhat disappointing lack of dick-measuring. Bernie started off slow but built momentum when Hillary laughably argued that Bernie was being financed by the Koch Brothers. The Bern burns kept on rolling from there:

“Hillary’s speeches to Wall Street telling them to stop [committing crimes] must have been really effective. They were so scared they contributed another $15 million to her campaign.”

“I will match my record against yours every day of the week.”

In the end, we here at GossiPoL are still feeling the Bern, and we are fairly confident it’s not entirely due to a pesky VD. We are not the only ones either. Another Dem debate in the tank means yet another dank Bernie Sanders meme. Mazel Tov, everyone! Onward to the Republican dick-measuring contest!

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Photo Credits: Carlo Allegri, Reuters via, Gabster via CNN, Giphy via Reddit