Carly Fiorina Endorses Ted Cruz

She appeared to be sober when she did it, so she really has no excuse. On an unrelated note, why does Carly Fiorina find it so difficult to smile? She does the same thing my dog does when you scratch his back in the right place:

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Which is to say nothing of the atrocity that is Ted Cruz’s attempt at human emotion:

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So HP’s big money-maker and Canadian Satan, huh? That sounds about right. Both are virulently anti-abortion and believe that videos can’t be edited, no matter how many times state and federal investigations have shown that, yes, yes they can. Let’s see if this dynamic duo can set us back another 50 years. Hey, maybe as President, Ted Cruz will succeed where he failed as Texas Attorney General and will finally convince the US Supreme Court to allow Texas to execute the mentally handicapped. Yes, America, justice for everyone. Steal a calculator? President Ted Cruz will lock your ass up for 14 years. If some pussy at the appellate level tries to stop him, he will take that shit all the way to the Supreme Court. Because he’s a man, dammit! A good, forgiving, Christian man who won’t let any pesky refugees come in – except where his father is concerned. So let’s get crazy America – smoke some bath salts, freebase some maple syrup, and vote for Ted!

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Photo Credits: H. Darr Beiser, USA Today, Gabster, Giphy via Reddit, Giphy via Reddit