By “thing,” I mean whatever the hell it was that flew out of his mouth. So something funny happened at Thursday night’s Republican debate. Sometime in the two plus hours of dick-measuring and screaming that passed for a presidential debate, Ted Cruz decided to do the thing that likely drives his wife crazy: talk. And when he talked – oh God, when he talked – the uterus-shriveling image seen above seared itself permanently into my memory.
So what was the particle on panty-dropper Ted Cruz’s lip? There are a few possible explanations:
- The figurative bullshit that constantly flies out of his mouth became literal and took solid form.
- He finally lied so much his soul was like, “Fuck it, I tried,” and left his body. If you think that object is too small to be a human soul, remember that this is Ted Cruz we’re talking about.
- A piece of mint and/or food (aaaaaaand my uterus just died)
- Insert dick joke here
Vote in the comments below. Here’s a palate cleanser in the meantime: