Just ask him. Nobody did on Thursday night’s Republican debate, but the Oompa Loompas’ gross uncle made sure he put that little tidbit out there, FOR THE LADIEZ!!! You see, the Donald was just a little bit irritated that Marco Rubio criticized his dainty, tea-pouring hands. So instead of ignoring it like a normal person, Donald Drumpf decided to empty his purse on the debate main stage, and the results were as entertaining as you might expect.
“Look at [my] hands, are they small hands? And [Rubio] referred to my hands – ‘If they’re small, something else must be small.’ I guarantee there’s no problem. I guarantee.”
You hear that? Donald’s dick (aside: what an amazing name for a new children’s show) comes with the Trump seal of approval. Just like Trump Steaks, Trump Airlines, and Trump University, Trump’s dong comes with the trustworthy approval of the Orange Don himself. That endorsement speaks for itself. Res ipsa loquitur, which roughly translates to, “The tiny, bronzed Tic-Tac that Donald Trump calls a penis is as yuge as he says it is.” You learn this the very first day of law school, as any lawyer will tell you.
Besides, are these the hands of a man with a small penis?
Wait, don’t answer that.